***
If God would shout with a megaphone to my husband’s heart that we should adopt again and throw open doors to allow the impossible in Chinese adoption to happen, I could easily see four children coming home from the orphanage we visited and joining our family. Though I cautioned my team, my daughter Miranda, and myself to not allow ourselves to fall too deeply in love with the children we met, I rediscovered upon meeting the very first child after stepping into the Social Welfare Institute that my heart is not capable of loving with limits. I just simply LOVE KIDS! Some more deeply. “Logan” has entered that treasured place in my heart.
Every day, I check America World’s photo listing of waiting children to see updates on “our” team’s kids. Every day I puzzle over why “Logan” and others have not been spoken for and claimed as sons and daughters.
Today, I lay my “Isaac” on the altar and give him back to God. Today, I will write about this precious boy…and pray more deeply that his family will bring him home soon.
***
Monday morning, after our tour through several room of the Children’s Welfare House, we were taken outside to join some of the older kids in their exercise and play time.
So many to meet! So busy playing and taking pictures! So HOT!
The province and city we were in was just hot and humid! Think Florida in the summer. Sticky, sweaty, hot!
The staff was so kind to bring out water bottles for our team members. Oh how refreshing a drink of water was when we had been playing with the children! But they only gave water to our team and not the kids. After a quick drink, I felt so guilty having water when the kids did not.
One little boy came up begging for a drink.
I flashed back to my first dinner with my daughter Keziah at McDonald’s when I faced a defining moment. She wanted a bite of my Big Mac. My germ-a-phobic self almost denied her sampling my sandwich, but in an instant I remembered that she was my daughter. Germs or not, I would share with her! She ended up eating all her chicken nuggets and half of my Big Mac that night!
But this little boy was not my son. I was leading a team of volunteers in a Chinese orphanage. I had preached caution and cleanliness so that we could all avoid illness. I just couldn’t give him a drink from MY water bottle!
However, we were both pretty desperate for him to have a drink of that water. So without words or language to help us communicate, he opened his mouth wide, and I poured a couple of swallows in. A smile stretched across his face as he trotted off to play again. I knew that I had shared my germs but was relieved that I could still drink the rest of my water.
Moments before we were called inside to feed babies, another little boy desired a drink from the water bottle now stored in my backpack pocket. “Logan” and I started a game of keep-away. I tried to offer him a drink just like the previous boy, but he wanted nothing less than my water bottle! I tried distractions. I tried hiding it from him. I even tried taking video with my camera!
“Logan” won!
He drank his fill from my bottle and then returned it to me. I tucked it back into its pocket, knowing I would be waiting for our afternoon return to our hotel before I could replace my water supply.
When we returned from our daily “nap time” after lunch, the children entertained their honored guests with quite a performance. Dancing, singing, martial arts demonstrations! Even the nannies demonstrated a Tai Chi routine! Costumes and make-up added to the fabulous show!
That first day, there were so many children!! A sea of unknown faces swam before our eyes. Snapping photos to hold onto the memories and praying I could sort them all out later.
As we spent more time with the children each day, they became distinct individuals with their own personalities. Without knowing all their names, our team quickly began to give them nicknames.
We became friends as we shared so many wonderful experiences together.
Tuesday, we explored a park and enjoyed lunch at a restaurant on a field trip together.
We painted pictures with buddies.
We played outside together.
We made won tons and enjoyed a delicious soup after our hard work.
And then we had to say good-bye.
Strangers just five days before, we now struggled to leave the children and staff who had become our family.
Even on that final day, the orphanage director shared with me more about individual children. Through broken English, "Logan" she indicated was very quiet, he didn't talk much, and was a slow learner. Some of this, I already knew very well; some of it, I still question…
Logan didn't talk to us much. His laughter and smiles were rare. But I never assumed he was "slow."
Logan reminded me so much of one of my own sons. Quiet and observant in strange new situations. Contemplatively and silently evaluating everyone and everything. However, once you allow him the time to warm up to you, you discover how amazing he is! And he will probably never stop talking!!!
Miranda took Logan's solemn expressions as a challenge! She wanted the photographic evidence of the boy she had come to love.
Her biggest challenge was simply the fact that Logan, like many of the boys, LOVED our cameras!
SILLY BOY!
Logan kept trying to put her lens cap back on her camera while she video taped him!
LOL!!!
I have never seen the information in Logan's file. I have read the brief paragraph on AWAA's Waiting Child Photo Listing (password available upon request). There are big scary word to describe his diagnosis. I didn't meet words; I met a boy…just a boy. I met a quiet curious boy who laughed and played with his friends. Greeted strangers with caution, which is a good thing! He may have some delays and learning challenges. Uhm…yeah…so not a big deal in my little brain!
Two of Logan's biggest challenges?
#1 - He's a boy! Most people adopting domestically and internationally want girls. No matter how amazing this sweet boy is, his gender means many families would never consider bringing him home as their son. :(
#2 - He's a senior citizen! At seven years old, almost eight, he is OLD in the adoption community. Most people dream of babies! Older children are scary!!!
Having adopted our little girls at six and seven, I understand the concerns and fears. Language is often the first question people ask about! Ha! I may not have been able to have deep philosophical conversations with my girls at first, but it didn't slow down my chatterbox or our ability to communicate. Now…I long for earplugs some days! LOL! I won't deny that there are hard days. I can never recover the "missing years" or fill some of the emptiness places in my girls' hearts. Only God can fill these voids for my princesses. But I can not imagine my life, our home, or our family without them!
Logan…the best definition of the name's meaning I can find is "dweller in the little hollow." Ouch! That hurts my heart because it seems to describe him too well. His home is in the emptiness of an orphanage. Though filled with children, Logan does not have the love, nurture, and support of his family to open up his world, to ground him, and to allow him to grow beyond the limits of these walls.
LOVE!
Dearly love this boy!
Where, oh, where are his mama and baba?
Can you help them find him?
Or when you look into his eyes, do you see your son?
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