Adoption Is Hard!

I’ve started writing, trying to begin writing, writing bits and pieces for the book everyone asks about and for the speaking and teaching I’m feeling called to begin.  Today, I have some words, emotions, and feelings that need to pour out, need to flow and find an audience somewhere outside of my mind and tears streaming down my cheeks.

Adoption is hard. 

It is more than a single event in time and space, more than papers signed or a judge’s decree.  Adoption is a daily struggle, an exhausting and draining daily battle to love.

Adoptive families wage war against the brokenness, loss, and grief that has created beauty, hope, and joy mingled with our tears and strife.  Seemingly insignificant moments of everyday life represent enormous advances and defeats within our homes and families hidden from the world outside. 

As parents, we secretly struggle to find answers and assistance.  The adoptive community is not our clique but our safe haven and retreat.  Finding comrades and companions who provide understanding and encouragement is one of the many obstacles we face.  I thank the Lord for the friends, mentors, and relationships with those who have held my hand, wrapped me in hugs, and kept me from drowning when life has overwhelmed me.  Most of these precious and dearly loved individuals in my life, I have never met face-to-face or rarely ever am physically near.  The internet and cyber world has allowed me access to a community of allies.

Still, today, my heart aches for so many, so many friends and families who are hurting and struggling, exhausted and drained from this daily, moment-by-moment battle we face.

Our children fight against us while we fight for them.  They push away as we try to draw them closer.  Master manipulators and strategists utilize other adults and relationships as weapons of warfare -emotional triangulation, condemnation, and isolation to achieve tactical advantages.  They hide and run from us and from their own deep pain.  Rages mask fears and hurt.  Silent escape into worlds within themselves or the busyness and distraction of life outside our home and family provide walls and barriers to challenge our ability to reach their hurting hearts. 

A bottomless pit or endless black hole, drains, strips, and exhausts us to our core as they try to fill this vacuum within.  They literally want it all – material possessions, the warmth of physical touch, words of encouragement and praise, singularly focused attention, pleasing through performance and perfection, the adrenaline rush and thrill of all life has to offer.  Yet nothing satisfies, nothing fills the void.  They long for love but do not know how to receive it when offered.  Their spirits seek peace but reject its comfort and contentment.

My heart hurts today for my mama friends in the trenches with me.  I know too many downtrodden, depressed, and struggling families.  Their hearts and homes are torn apart.  They are bleeding and wounded within. 

Father God, I don’t have the words to pray.  Spirit, intercede for us.  Give voice to the cries of our hearts. Jehovah Jireh, provide for our needs.  Jehovah Rophi, heal our hearts and our homes.  Bind the wounds that have cut so deep within our children’s lives and past.  Pour the oil and wine over us today with the hope and promise of Your healing to come.  I thank You and praise You today for the beauty You are creating from the brokenness and ashes of our lives and our stories for Your glory.